just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
