It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Sober January is a disaster.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
