I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
