i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
