At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
