Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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