You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
