I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
