OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
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Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
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You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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