We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
