Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
