i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
