Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
