You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How external is "for external use only"?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
