I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
