I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
