from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
