talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
