I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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