Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
