**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Farmville is her only friend.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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