3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
