Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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