I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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