Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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