He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ladies don't puke and tell
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
