I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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