HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize