did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
