Even the bartender felt bad for me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
