the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best revenge is premature balding
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
