I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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