I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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