Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
