please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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