Porn is love you can see.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
