The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
