is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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