so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
