i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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