i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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