as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
