even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
