So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
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As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
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You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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