I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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