It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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