captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
