i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
