you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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