brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The uberlube is also flammable
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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