My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize