if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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