oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
