i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
