i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
