i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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