okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize