I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
