so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
