FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
