he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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