there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
