I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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