Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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