I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
