Can Purell be used as lube?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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